The X-files Movie: Of Extraterrestrials and Men
by Verbena
Summary: NEW CHAPTER ADDED! Scully: Hehe, Samantha's going to be SO happy when she finds out that her father is a really cute Jewish news anchorman!
1.

Title: The X-files: Of Extraterrestrials and Men  
Author: Verbie, the Zero Wing worshipper! Heehee, for great justice!!!  
Disclaimer: The X-files does not belong to me. NIH!  
Summary: I hope that if there is INDEED a second movie, it's not like this. @_@;; 

---  
**Chapter 1: Colonization has begun!**  
--- 

_Someplace up north  
3:14 PM_

[Lots of snow. A man in a coat is walking through a forest. He makes his way to a cabin and knocks on the door.] 

MAN INSIDE CABIN: Go away! For the billionth time, I'm not a Morley's distributor! 

MAN IN COAT: It's not about the Morley's! I'm getting frostbite and I'm going to freeze to death out here! PLEASE let me in!! 

MAN INSIDE CABIN: (exhales deeply) Fine. 

[The door opens, and the man inside the cabin is revealed to be... um... er... uhhh... CONAN O BRIAN! Dun, dun, dun! Big celebrity appearance #1!] 

MAN IN COAT: Oh, thank you so much. 

[The man in the coat walks in and Conan shuts the door behind him. The man takes off his coat and is revealed to be... CSM! Dun, dun, dun! Big surprise, huh?] 

CSM: Ahhh... (sits by the fireplace) Warmth! Finally! 

CONAN: What are you doing here, Cancer man? 

CSM: Shut up, nobody ever calls me that anymore. Now they call me... CJB Spender! 

CONAN: (sighs) What are you doing here, "CJB Spender"? 

CSM: You'll soon find out... you'll soon find out. 

CONAN: What do you want? 

CSM: Well... you have any weed on you? 

CONAN: No! I stopped using drugs a LONG time ago! 

CSM: Oh well. Drugs aren't my thing, anyway. I live for Morley's, though. I haven't had one in such a long time... it's killing me, I tell yah. 

CONAN: No, actually, it's probably saving your life. 

CSM: (shrugs) 

CONAN: So tell me, what do you REALLY want? 

CSM: Well, um... colonization has begun. 

CONAN: What? Again? 

CSM: Yeah. The aliens are taking over. 

CONAN: So what can I do about it? 

CSM: I'm hiring you to keep Mulder out of this. 

CONAN: But what threat does HE hold? 

CSM: Um... he holds the cure. 

CONAN: The cure to what?! 

CSM: Uh... the, uh, the virus. 

CONAN: What virus? 

CSM: There's um, there's a virus. An alien virus that will kill lots of people. 

CONAN: Okay... and... Mulder has the cure? 

CSM: You heard what I said. 

CONAN: Okay... so... I have to exterminate him? 

CSM: No, exterminate his partner, Agent Scully. 

CONAN: Okay... but why? 

CSM: Um... I, uh... um... because she... holds the answer... to, um... the... thing... 

CONAN: (sighs) Alright, I'll kill BOTH of them then, okay? 

CSM: Kill Agent Reyes, too. 

CONAN: ...Why? 

CSM: Just for laughs. 

CONAN: (sighs) Fine. 

CSM: (gets up and walks to the door) Remember. One man alone cannot fight the future. 

CONAN: But there's not just one man... there's two... 

CSM: Agent Scully is not a man! I should know, I raped he- um... bye. (leaves) 

[Close-up of Conan's face. He looks troubled.] 

---  
_J. Edgar Hoover Building  
Washington, D.C._

[Agent Doggett is sitting at his desk sorting through papers and stuff. The phone rings.] 

DOGGETT: (picking it up) Yello? 

SCULLY: Hey Doggett, where's Mulder? 

DOGGETT: (sighs) He don't work here anymore, Agent Scully. 

SCULLY: Yeah, but I know he's there. Where IS he? He said he'd be over here an hour ago. 

DOGGETT: I really can't tell yah, Agent Scully. 

SCULLY: (sighs) Oh well... Samantha hates him anyway. 

DOGGETT: So how's little Sam doing? 

SCULLY: Ugh, she's a pain in the ass. This mother stuff really sucks. 

DOGGETT: But you're glad that you finally got a kid now, right? 

SCULLY: Yeah, but I HATE BABIES. Why can't Samantha be growned upper, like Emily was? 

DOGGETT: (laughs) She will be, Agent Scully. Well, gotta finish this report. C-ya. (hangs up the phone) 

[Mulder walks into the room.] 

DOGGETT: Oh, Muldah, Scully's looking for you. 

MULDER: Don't have time for that bitch. 

DOGGETT: What?! 

MULDER: Oh hey, don't get mad at ME! I was abducted and now I'm like, having trouble dealing with it all and stuff. So that gives me the right to be a total jerk. 

DOGGETT: (shrugs) 

MULDER: Ha ha, ha ha. Ha. Kinda funny, actually. 

[Conan 'O Brian enters the room.] 

CONAN: Hello, boyz. 

MULDER: Woah! It's Conan 'O Brian! The king of late night! 

DOGGETT: You're my idol! 

CONAN: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Anyways, would you guys be interested in joining a boy band called G-Boyz-2G Boyz Men Boyz? 

[Mulder and Doggett exchange glances.] 

MULDER: Well... it sounds good to me! 

DOGGETT: Yeah! I've always dreamed'a bein' a teen idle! 

CONAN: Wonderful! Come with me, to the studio! (under his breath) I'm a total genious... 

---  
_Boy Band Studio  
NYC, NY_

[The Boy Band Studio is made up of a dressing room, lounge, and recording room. Mulder and Doggett are in the lounge where they meet Skinner and Kersh.] 

MULDER: Hey, Skinner, Kersh... are you guys gonna be part of the band too? 

SKINNER: We sure are! 

KERSH: I'm so excited! 

DOGGETT: Likewise. 

[Conan enters the room with another guy that has pink hair and lots of peircings.] 

CONAN: Boys, this is Rosco. He is the boss in charge, second only to ME! 

ROSCO: Yo. 

EVERYONE: Hiya! 

ROSCO: Okay, let's see. (takes a good look at all four of them) NOT GOOD. Okay, we totally need to fix this up. 

**THREE HOURS LATER**

[Mulder walks into the room. He's wearing fancy neon pants and a silk white shirt with the buttons undone.] 

MULDER: Yo, my name is Timothy Joe! I'm the sweet one. (smiles sweetly) 

[Doggett walks into the room, wearing a white tanktop and leather jeans.] 

DOGGETT: Yeah, baby! My name is Tamborine. I'm the rough, troubled one. (crosses arms and looks tough) 

[Skinner walks into the room, wearing a red blouse and flare jeans. He has a rose in this mouth.] 

SKINNER: Ugn, yeah, you know you want somma diss right here. My name is Rosemary. I'm the ladies man! 

[Kersh walks into the room, wearing REALLY baggy pants and no shirt.] 

KERSH: YO! My name is Jamal! I'm the rappin', crappin' bitch-ass right heah. 

ROSCO: (claps) Oh, wonderful, absolutely wonderful! Now, let's get to recording that album, shall we? 

CONAN: Let's. Oh, do let's. 

---  
_Scully's Apartment  
Georgetown_

SCULLY: Crap! Crap it all to hell! WHERE IS MULDER?!?!?! Jebus Christ, I'm gonna kick his pansy-ass... (sighs) Oh well. (sits down on her couch and turns on the television. She flips through the channels until she sees Carson Daily- celebrity appearance #2! She hates TRL but decides to watch it for some unknown reason) 

CARSON: Today on TRL we have a brand new boy band performing live for us. EVERYBODY, keep it up, for G-Boyz-2G Boyz Men Boyz!!! 

[The crowd screams wildly. Four guys with mics are sitting on a couch, bobbing their heads.] 

SCULLY: (chokes on a pringle) AUGHAUGHGUAUGHSAQ!!#3@*@&$*@$@&^dsjh&(@^#Q98WEYRQOAHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

[A catchy tune starts to play.] 

DOGGETT: Ohhhhhhh, baby, I'm heeeere to staaaay... 

MULDER: I'll nevah leave yah, I'm heeeere to staaaay... 

SKINNER: If yah evah feelin' lonely, baby, I'm heeeeere... 

KERSH: Uhn, uhn, yeah, yeah, I'm heah to stay! 

EVERYONE: We're here to staaaayyyy... we'll nevah leave yah baby, we're here to staaaaayyyyyy.... 

MULDER: I'll always love yah baby, I'm here to staaaay... yah can always count on me... whenevah yah need... 

DOGGETT: I'M HEAH TO STAAAYYYYY!!!! 

SKINNER: HEAH TO STAAAAAYYYY!!!! 

MULDER: ....TO STAAAAAYYYYYYY, TOOOOOO STTAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!! 

KERSH: Uhn, uhn, heah to stay, uhn, uhn, heah to stay, babey... 

MULDER: I'll always be by yah side, I'm heah to staaaaayyyyyyy.... I'll nevah lea- (is hit by a shoe) OW! What the hell? 

SCULLY: (panting, huffing) Mulder... what the hell... do you think... you're... doing?! 

MULDER: Mulder who? My name is Timothy Joe! (looks at camera and smiles sweetly) I'm the sweet one. 

DOGGETT: I'm the tough one. 

SKINNER: I'm the ladies man. 

KERSH: I'm the rappin' crappin' bitch-ass. 

SCULLY: You guys joined a flippin' BOY BAND? Have you gone INSANE?! Boy bands are the scum of the flippin' EARTH! 

CARSON: (pokes Scully's shoulder) Um... what are you doing here? This is LIVE television! 

SCULLY: (looks at the camera and waves, laughing nervously) 

CARSON: (shakes head) Jebus Christ... I'm SO going to lose my job... 

SCULLY: And that's a bad thing? 

[The audience boo's and throws random objects at her.] 

SCULLY: Yeah, same to you! (makes a fist) 

MULDER: Listen, Scully, we're RIGHT in the middle of doing a performance. Could you save this for later? 

SCULLY: NO, I CANNOT SAVE THIS FOR LATER! I'm NOT going to sit around and watch you humiliate yourself! (grabs Mulder and pulls him offstage with her) 

[An alley near Time Square. Scully is dragging Mulder by the arm.] 

MULDER: Scullliiieeeeee.... PLEASE!! I want to be in a boy band! My days as an FBI agent are over! Let me persue other interests for once! 

SCULLY: You can persue other interests, but not if it involves you joining a flippin' boy band! 

MULDER: Oh, COME ON, Scully, you're just jealous because there's gonna be millions of teenage girls out there worshipping me! 

SCULLY: Jealousy? What the hell does this have to do with JEALOUSY? Mulder, I'm just concerned with your well-being. Being in a boy band is not only humiliating, but dangerous, also! There was this one guy- 

[Conan 'O Brian appears out of the darkness.] 

CONAN: Why, hello, hello, my pretties! 

MULDER: Oh, hey Conan. We're kinda in the middle of a private conversation, if you don't mind. 

CONAN: Oh, but this will just take a second. (smiles evilly) 

SCULLY: What is it, Conan? If you want to interview "Timothy Joe" on your show, sorry. He's quitting. 

CONAN: Oh, no, nothing like that. I just want... to take your lives. 

[Mulder and Scully glance at eachother.] 

MULDER: No, thanks. Our lives are kind of precious to us, you know? 

SCULLY: Seriously. 

CONAN: (laughs in an evil manner, and pulls out a gun before they have time to pull out theirs) Have any last words? 

SCULLY: Well, before we die, can you atleast tell us WHY you're going to kill us? 

CONAN: Colonization has begun. 

SCULLY: Um... okay... but what does that have to do with us? 

CONAN: I don't know the details, okay? I'm just here to kill you. I'm working for the CSM. The boy band thing was just a ploy so I could kill you. 

SCULLY: But I thought CSM was dead! 

CONAN: Oh no, he's most definately alive. 

MULDER: And I still don't understand the boy band thing. You made a boy band... so you could kill us? I don't understand. 

CONAN: Um... well, it's all part of the BIG PLAN, you know? 

SCULLY: No, I don't know. 

MULDER: Me neither. 

CONAN: Ugh, who flippin' cares? PREPARE TO DIE! 

To be continued...


	2. 

Title: The X-files: Of Extraterrestrials and Men  
Author: Verbie, the Zero Wing worshipper! Heehee, for great justice!!!  
Disclaimer: The X-files does not belong to me. NIH!  
Summary: I hope that if there is INDEED a second movie, it's not like this. @_@;; 

---  
**Chapter 2: Revelations**  
--- 

SCULLY: (tears up) Please don't kill me! I have a daughter... kill HER!! 

MULDER: No, kill ME... please. I'm the one with "the cure", whatever that is. Please, Scully doesn't deserve to die. 

SCULLY: No, Mulder, you're part of a band. You must live and entertain millions with your sweet smile. I'll gladly sacrifice my life if it means saving yours. 

MULDER: No, I'm not gonna watch you die! Conan, kill ME! 

SCULLY: No, ME! 

MULDER: ME! 

SCULLY: MEEEEE!!! 

MULDER: ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME!!!!!! 

CONAN: Ugh, SHUT UP! I have an idea. Why don't I kill BOTH of you?! 

MULDER: No way! Don't kill Scully! 

SCULLY: Don't kill Mulder! 

CONAN: Too bad! (smiles in an evil manner) Say goodbye! 

SCULLY: (sighs) Well, I tried. 

MULDER: Goodbye, Scully. 

SCULLY: Goodbye, Mulder. 

CONAN: Hahaha, say your prayers! 

SCULLY: ... 

MULDER: ... 

CONAN: This is the end for you! 

SCULLY: ... 

MULDER: ... 

CONAN: Any last words? 

MULDER&SCULLY: NO! 

CONAN: Alright, then. Prepare to die. 

SCULLY: (sighs) 

CONAN: The end is near! 

MULDER: JEBUS CHRIST! 

SCULLY: JUST SHOOT US ALREADY! 

CONAN: I'm working on it! Jeez! 

MULDER: ... 

SCULLY: ... 

CONAN: Say goodbye!! 

MULDER: (sighs) We just DID, Conan. 

CONAN: Alrighty then. 

MULDER: ... 

SCULLY: ... 

CONAN: (pulls the trigger) 

MULDER: ... 

SCULLY: ... 

CONAN: ... 

MULDER: ... 

SCULLY: ... 

CONAN: CRAP!!!!! THE GUN IS EMPTY!!!! 

SCULLY: Whew! 

MULDER: That was close. (punches Conan) 

[Mulder and Scully walk off, unharmed. Conan whimpers.] 

SCULLY: Hey Mulder, shouldn't we have taken him into custody or something? He might try to kill us again. 

MULDER: Conan? HAH! He wouldn't hurt a fly. 

SCULLY: (shrugs) 

MULDER: Now, let's go back to the boy band studio. I'm pretty sure the rest of G-boyz-2G Boyz Men Boyz are waiting for me there. 

SCULLY: Mulder... 

MULDER: Please, Scully. Let me persue my dreams. 

SCULLY: (sighs) Alright... but I'm not going with you. I kinda left Samantha at home all by herself. 

MULDER: (nods) C-ya later, G-woman. 

---  
_Scully's Apartment  
Georgetown_

[There is no apartment, actually. It's been burned to a crisp.] 

SCULLY: NOOOO!!!!! MY TELEVISION!!!!!!!!!!! (falls to her knees and sobs) DAMN YOU CANCER MAN!!!!!!! DAMN YOUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!! 

---  
_The Boy Band Studio  
NYC, NY_

[Mulder walks in. The rest of G-boyz-2g Boyz Men Boyz are in the lounge. They look angry.] 

SKINNER: Where have you been, Timothy Joe?! 

MULDER: Sorry, guys. Conan tried to kill Scully and I in an alleyway. 

DOGGETT: Heh, don't I know about that... but whatever. Now that you're here, let's get started on recording our next hit single. 

MULDER: (nods) Gotcha, Tamborine. 

[They go into the recording room and start to sing.] 

EVERYBODY: Ohhhhhhh, babey... we're heah to stay forevah... 

DOGGETT: Heah to staaaaay.... forevah... FOREVAH... babey... 

SKINNER: I'll always be by yah side... FOREVAH babey... 

MULDER: Wait a sec, hold up. (takes off headphones) Cut the music. 

KERSH: Whut is it, Timothy-bitch? 

MULDER: Well... guys, this song isn't any different from our first single, "We're here to stay". 

SKINNER: Timothy, this song IS different. 

DOGGETT: Yeah. This one's "We're here to stay FOREVER". It's totally different. 

KERSH: Yeah, yah heard the bitch-ass right theah. This one gots the FOREVAH on thah end. 

MULDER: But "forever" doesn't make much of a difference. 

SKINNER: Timothy, don't you see? That's what boy bands are all about! Producing lame-ass bubblegum pop that's all the same! 

MULDER: Oh... (smiles) I think I understand now. Let's get back to that single, shall we? 

DOGGETT: Let's. Oh, do let's. 

[They start singing again.] 

KERSH: Yeah, babey, I'm heah to stay FOREVAH babey... FOREVAH and a day, uhn, uhn, uhn! 

MULDER: I'm heeeeaaahhhh tooooo staaaaayyyyy.... 

DOGGETT: FORREEEVVVAAAAHHHHH... 

[The music is cut suddenly.] 

KERSH: HEY! Whut up? 

DOGGETT: What the hell? 

[Scully has cut the music. She runs into the room and hugs Mulder.] 

SCULLY: (sobbing) Oh, Muldeeeeeeeerrrrr.... they burned down my apartment and my tv along with it... 

MULDER: Oh, Scully, that's horrible! 

SCULLY: (sniffles) 

MULDER: Samantha wasn't hurt, was she? 

SCULLY: (sobs) Oh, Saaamaantha... them aliems took her... 

MULDER: What? ALIEMS? We have to find her! 

SCULLY: Can't you buy me a new TV first? 

MULDER: Yeah, of course. (turns to the rest of G-boyz-2G Boyz Men Boyz) Hey, guys, let's go buy my friend here a TV, and then help her find her daughter. 

SKINNER: But what about our new single? 

MULDER: We can do that later! 

SCULLY: So you guys are really gonna help me? 

MULDER: Anything for you, sugar. Come on, boyz. 

EVERYONE: G-boyz-2G Boyz Men Boyz to the rescue!!! 

To be continued... 


	3. Here's... JONNY!

Title: The X-files: Of Extraterrestrials and Men  
Author: Verbie, the Zero Wing worshipper! Heehee, for great justice!!!  
Disclaimer: The X-files does not belong to me. NIH!  
Summary: I hope that if there is INDEED a second movie, it's not like this. @_@;; 

---  
**Chapter 3: Here's... JONNY!**  
---  
  
[On a street somewhere. Scully has her hands and face pressed up against the glass wall of a TV shop. G-boyz-2G Boys Men Boyz come up behind her.] 

SCULLY: (points) I want that one! No, no! This one! No, that one over there! NO! This grey one! Yeah! No, wait, what about- 

MULDER: Scully, just PICK ONE! 

SCULLY: Hm... but there are so many! 

MULDER: (looks at the TVs) How about that nice 19" one over there? 

SCULLY: 19"?! AS IF!! I won't settle for anything less then 24". 

MULDER: (sighs) But your OLD tv was a 19"... 

SCULLY: So? I think it's time for an improvement. 

MULDER: Fine. 

[G-boyz-2G Boyz Men Boyz and Scully go into the store. Scully faints when she sees who the cashier is.] 

MULDER: (catching her) Whoa, Scully! 

SCULLY: (opens eyes groggily, points) It's... crazy... Jewish... guy... on... news... show... 

MULDER: (looks at cashier) WHOA!!!! 

CASHIER: (blinks) 

MULDER: Scully and I watch your show ALL THE TIME! 

CASHIER: ... 

SKINNER: The most important television program... EVER! 

CASHIER: Yeah, I'm Jon Stewart. 

[Fireworks go off in the sky and happy folk music starts playing in the background. Celebrity appearance #3! Woohoo! Bring on the reviews, Santa!!] 

SCULLY: Wow... Jonny-poo... I don't know if you know this or not, but... 

JON STEWART: What? 

SCULLY: (looks at Mulder) You know when you did that donor procedure? It didn't work. 

MULDER: Um... yeah, I know. You cried and we had a really shippy moment and it looked like you were gonna kiss me but you didn't and Verbena thought it was cute and she cried and then she went online and got really mad cuz everybody else thought that it sucked and one person said that you acted like a bitch in the diner scene and Verbena threw a sock at the wall because that person that said that thing is Satan. 

SCULLY: (blinks) ...Yeah, but afterwards Dr. Parenti- 

DOGGETT: Dr. ParentAY! 

SCULLY: No, Parenti. 

DOGGETT: PARENTAY! 

SCULLY: (sighs) Whatever. He said that there was ANOTHER chance that I could become pregnant. I was gonna ask you again, but then I found this ad in the newspaper for a place that sells celebrity sperm, and... well... 

MULDER: Oh, god, don't tell me... 

SCULLY: (looks at Jon Stewart and smiles) You're the father. 

JON STEWART: ...(blinks) 

MULDER: (slaps forehead) D'oh! 

JON STEWART: No way... NO WAY! 

SCULLY: What? Don't you LIKE me? 

JON STEWART: I'M MARRIED!!!! 

SCULLY: You should have thought about that before you became a donor. 

JON STEWART: THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!!!!! 

MULDER: THIS IS SERIOUSLY NOT HAPPENING!!!! 

JON STEWART: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! 

MULDER: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! 

SCULLY: Hm... will Samantha celebrate Christmas... or Hakunna? 

JON STEWART: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! 

MULDER: AHHHHHHHH!!!!! 

SCULLY: Hehe, Samantha's going to be SO happy when she finds out that her father is a really cute Jewish news anchorman! 

MULDER: Scully... how... HOW COULD YOU?!?!? 

SCULLY: How could I what? 

MULDER: You.. you know what I'm talking about!!! 

SCULLY: Well, I'm sorry, Mulder, but... heh, atleast it's better then a funny-looking lizard baby that goes "baaaaaa!!" 

JON STEWART: I can't believe it... I have a DAUGHTER?! Where is she?? 

SCULLY: (bottom lip quivers) She was taken... by evil government men. Or aliens. Or... or something! (sobs) 

JON STEWART: ... 

MULDER: ... 

DOGGETT: ... 

SKINNER: ... 

KERSH: ... 

SCULLY: HELLO?!?! Isn't anyone going to hold me and stroke my hair as I weep? And isn't a sad version of my theme song supposed to play in the background? 

SKINNER: I'll... I'll hold you, Dana. (holds her and strokes her hair) 

MULDER: Hmph. Jebus Christ, there's been more SSR in the eighth season then MSR! How whack is THAT?! 

KERSH: Hey, you guys are lucky. Chris has NEVER given me an intimate moment with the red-headed beauty. 

DOGGETT: (gives him "a look") You're Kersh. 

KERSH: So? 

DOGGETT: (shakes head) 

KERSH: Hey, just because I'm black doesn't mean I shouldn't get some hot lovin', too! 

MULDER: You don't really understand, do you? YOU'RE KERSH. 

KERSH: ... (crosses arms) You're all racist! 

DOGGETT: (rolls eyes) 

MULDER: Hey, Skin-man, are you done hitting on Scully yet? 

SKINNER: I'm not "hitting" on her. I'm comforting her like a good friend should. 

MULDER: Well, that's enough. (grabs Scully) Come on, Scully, let's go. 

SCULLY: (sniffles) No! I wanna stay here with Jonny-poo. (hugs him) 

JON STEWART: ... 

MULDER: But what about Samantha?! 

SCULLY: Jonny-poo will help me find her, right, Jonny-poo? 

JON STEWART: Um... I have a show to do... 

SCULLY: You mean, you don't care about my daughter? You don't care if something bad happens to her? (eyes fill with tears) She's your daughter too! If she dies then it's all your fault!! (sobs) 

SKINNER: (pokes her shoulder) Um... want me to hold you again? 

SCULLY: No, it's okay. (shoos him away) ... (starts sobbing again) 

JON STEWART: (sighs) Well... I suppose Steven Colbert can fill in for me. 

SCULLY: (face lights up) Oh, thank you, thank you! 

MULDER: Grrr... Scully, come on! How will HE be able to help you? Jon Stewart doesn't know anything about what's going on! 

SCULLY: Well... neither do you. 

MULDER: Oh. I guess you're right. But STILL, Scully... you'd really pick Jon Stewart over me? 

SCULLY: Mulder, I'm not picking him over you. I just... I just want him to come along. 

MULDER: (crosses arms) Fine. But I want you to know, Stewart, that I'll be keepin' an eye on you. 

JON STEWART: Hmph. 

SCULLY: Oh yeah, a television set. I can have one for free, right? 

JON STEWART: What?! Of course not! 

SCULLY: But... I'm the mother of your daughter. 

JON STEWART: (sighs) You can have your TV later. Let's just concentrate on finding Samantha for now. 

SCULLY: (shrugs) Okay, sweetie-pie. 

MULDER: Grrr... 

---  
_TRL Studios  
Times Square_

CONAN: Alright, Carson, think you can do this without screwing up? 

CARSON DAILY: I'm not sure. What am I going to get in return? 

CONAN: Um... a year's supply of Beano? 

CARSON DAILY: Hey, there's NOTHING wrong with my flatulence. 

CONAN: Okay then. Well, what do you want? 

CARSON DAILY: Hook me up with that raven-haired chick... you know, the one that hasn't made an appearance in this fanfic yet? 

CONAN: Agent Reyes? Alright, I'll see what I can do. Now, go out there and bring back some agent heads! 

CARSON DAILY: Right-o, Conan! 

[Carson Daily marches off into the darkness with that pokey weapon thing that you stick into the back of the neck.] 

To be continued...   
  



End file.
